Dreaming Awake
by pinkbebop
Summary: (Completed) "Will you love only me" I gaze into her eyes. "Yes," I whisper in reply. "Please, do you mean it? Love me. Only me."


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Disclaimer: _All characters mentioned below belong to _Kaori Yuki_. I'm absolutely IN LOVE with this anime - Angel Sanctuary - and love the relationship between Setsuna and Sara even more._

Author: _Faye van den Brock_

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Email: _Clocksspinleft aol . com (I broke it apart to avoid spam)_

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Title: _Dreaming Awake_

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Words: _2903_

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Rating: _R (for subject manner)_

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Summary: _(Completed) "Will you love only me?" I gaze into her eyes. "Yes," I whisper in reply. "Please, do you mean it? Love me. Only me."_

It seemed unreal, but I knew it was my fault. Mother hated me, she made that plain and clear to everyone she knew. She did not bother holding back when she called me an "unearthly child" or say that I am "unnatural." Father was indifferent at times, however he would amaze even himself by being on my side when one would least expect such a thing. He tried explaining to Mother that it was merely "childhood infatuation" and I would get over it soon. Besides, who was I to know what I was doing "wasn't right" at all? I knew. Of course, I knew! You could not be me and _not_ know! There was no way. I tried to hide it, but every time we were in the same room together I couldn't help but stare at her, I couldn't help but allow the love I feel for her show in my eyes. Unfortunately, it allowed my secret to be revealed to Mother. She didn't permit me to stay in the house and drove Father mad. He had an affair, which just sent the whole thing up shit creek without a paddle or a compass. They divorced and I now live with my father while _she_ lives with Mother. Her, that beautiful creature, that child of grace and God. The unspoiled angel. The love of my life. What Mother did was right, I had to leave. I could not be around Sara anymore. I had to keep her away from my animalistic intentions. Therefore, when it came to something as tender and fragile as Sara, I did not blame Mother at all.

Still, I could not live without not seeing her. I became almost stalkerish in a way. Going to her school when she had gym and watching her play kickball, or volleyball, or do track. Or something else like that. She had gym when I had lunch, so I was able to get away from my school for a while to watch her. After some time, I even stopped doing that. I couldn't bear to watch her anymore, it would, it _almost_ drove me nuts. Then it was as if my prayers had been answered. Sara called me up one night and said she would like to see me.

"I don't want us to lose touch, Ni-chan, so how about we meet once a month so this won't happen? How does that sound?" She had asked me, calling from a pay phone so Mother could not over hear. What _could_ I say? I quickly grasped a lie, but lost it before I could get my voice to sound. With nothing left up my sleeve, I said the only thing I meant: "Sure, Sara. That sounds good." I could almost hear her smile. "I am so glad you agree, Ni-chan. When should the days be?" And we worked out a plan.

That's what today is. One of those days when we agreed to meet. Right now I'm standing in an alleyway, leaning up against the wall, hands in my pockets, foot on the wall, gazing down at the road I'm standing on. I'm thinking about a million things, all of which have to do with Sara and how I possibly should not have this love I harbor for her. Why did God punish me with such a desire? It's too unkind. Then I hear it. The sound of light running. Standing like I was, I decided not to look to see who it is, even though I know it's Sara. Sure enough, I'm correct.

"Oi, Ni-chan!" She says, stopping before me. I slowly lift up my head to look at her. She's standing in a pure-white dress that goes to her ankles and is long sleeved. Her shoes are even white. Her hair is down like it normally is. A blue purse hangs from her shoulder. "How are you, Ni-chan?" She asks sweetly, giving off a smile I like to think she only saves for me. I could feel me blush so I quickly stand up straight and give her an answer, trying to hide my emotions. "I'm fine, Sara. You?" "Great... Now." Now? What did she mean by that? "Listen, Ni- Setsuna-" Whoa! She called me by my name! Is she feeling okay? I turn to look at her. She's clutching both her hands to the blue strap of her purse and she's looking at the ground to the side of me. "Are you okay, Sara?" I ask her. After all, I do not recall her ever calling me 'Setsuna' before, it was always 'Ni-chan,' or 'you great big moron.' I'm a little taken aback, but this I would not show. She looks up at me. "I'm fine. Shall we?" She begins to walk. There's something she's hiding from me. But what is it? What was she going to tell me? I stuff my hands back into my pockets and catch up to her, walking along side of her, stealing a sideways glance every once in a while. She looks troubled, but she won't tell me.

"Say, Sara, shall we get something to eat?" "Okay." "What would you like?" "Anything is okay with me." Well, that didn't help any. She did not tell me what she was in the mood for. So that means that something is up with her that puts her in an indifferent mode. Therefore, I pick out a simple Chinese restaurant and we take our seats in the very back of the place in a booth. We sit across from each other and she immediately picks up the menu, scanning it. I already know what I want so I just leave mine in front of me where the server had placed it. I cannot see her from behind the menu, but something tells me she really is not looking at it.

After the waiter took our orders and brought us our food, things started to get a bit odd. At first, Sara just stared at her Chow Mien than she broke into silent tears. If I didn't have very good hearing and knew what a tear looks like when it slides down a cheek, then I would have continued to think she was staring at her plate with the sniffles and I would probably have had the arrogance to ask if she was getting sick. Nevertheless, I knew better.

"Sara, what's wrong?" I ask her. At first, she did not say a thing. Then she grabbed her fork and took a bite of her noodles. "Nothing," she replied after she swallowed. I sighed to myself, becoming annoyed by her emotional confusion. This was one of the main reasons why I couldn't stand to be around females for long lengths of times - they were too emotional and never knew what they wanted. However, I did not let her know this. She is Sara Mudo! The love of my life and for her I would not voice how annoyed I am by her emotional issues. At least not out loud.

After our silent and awkward meal, we left the restaurant and headed to the park. The park was a lot bigger than I remembered it to be, or maybe that was just me. It usually is. Nothing was said for a good hour or so, but then she suddenly stopped walking. It registered when I was about five feet ahead of her, so, stopping; I turn around and look at her.

"Setsuna-" She used my name again, that and she is whispering. I feel weird. "What is it, Sara? Are you okay? You've never used my name before." Apparently that was not something I was supposed to say for she burst into tears, falling to her knees and burring her head into her hands. For a moment, I am just looking at her. She looks so frail and gentle, completely unharmed by the chaos of the world around her. After that moment of staring, I decided I should go see what was up. I kneel down beside her and place a hand on her shoulder. With this contact, she looks up and throws her arms around my neck. Taken by surprise, I fall onto my ass. "Sara-" "Please, don't talk. Don't make this harder than it already is." She sobbed into my neck. Gently, I place my arms around her. "What is it?" "I have to tell you!" She said. "I have to let you know, if I don't, I feel as if I'll burst." Something inside of me told me I knew what she was about to say, but the other something told me that was impossible and I need to stop dreaming while I was awake. Sara rose up her head to look at me. She was not crying anymore, but her brown eyes were red and swollen. "Setsuna, can we go… somewhere and talk?" "Like where?" "Like your room." If I were not already sitting down, I would have fallen over. "Sara, but, why?" She didn't reply, only stood up and began walking in the direction of the house I live in with Father. I sat there and watched her disappear down the lane, heading to the gates of the park and on to Father's house. What in this great big stupid world could she possibly want to talk about _there_ that she cannot talk to me about anywhere else? In addition, _why_ is she calling me Setsuna and not Ni-chan? However, I do not mind her calling me Setsuna. I quickly get up and rush after her, catching her just as she was about to leave the park.

Within the next twenty-minutes, we managed not to talk all the way to the apartment door. Father is not home, he never is. Therefore, I let us in and walk to my room, Sara following behind me. My room isn't as clean as I would like it to be, but it's not a 'eww! This is dirty!' messy, either. It's closer to clean than it is to that one. Since I do not like uncomfortable silence and that's what today had been full of, I pop in a CD as I hear my bedroom door close. Turning around, Sara has already taken a seat on my bed. The urge to sit beside her washed over me like a flood, yet I didn't want to subject myself to something that may prove to be a negative result. However, being in the same room with my own blood sister was not necessarily a good mark in that big book God supposedly has that monitors your actions. I head over to my desk, yet before I managed to sit down, Sara's voice called out to me.

"Setsuna, sit by me, please?" She asked softly. I almost didn't hear her because of the music, even though the music is on low. Well, so much for not wanting to set myself up for anything. I give myself a mental kick and then walk over to my bed, sitting down next to her. "I know you're wondering what is up with me today." She said. _No shit_, I thought to myself. "Can I ask you something?" "Sure." "How do you feel about me?" Whoa! Did she just ask that? She sure did. In addition, I surely cannot answer that. "Setsuna," she whispered. "Yes, Sara?" "How do you feel about me?" "I, um... Well, I-" "Love me?" Of all the things she could have said… "What makes you say that?" I ask trying to hide the fact she was right by sounding arrogant. "Don't be so-" "Don't tell me not to be ridiculous. Just answer my question, please?" What could I say? No. I _cannot_ tell her my secret. It must remain thus, a secret. "I know you do, that's alright. You do not need to tell me, or admit it to me, or anything. Cause I _know_. And, I want you to know how I feel about you." I stand up. Sara looks up at me and I can see those silent tears again. She stands up as well. "Setsuna, I have to tell you something I've been hiding for a long, long time. I love you." I take a step back. No. No! She is not _supposed_ to love me. That is not how it is supposed to work. I am supposed to love her and be the sick, twisted, evil thing, and she is supposed to be the unspoiled angel protected _from_ me. She must have read my expressions correctly. "I'm allowed to. You don't have to be in this alone, Setsuna." Then she puts her arms around my middle and gives me a gentle squeeze. I do not know what to say, I had not been expecting this, not at all. Gently, I put my arms around her, my fingers sliding over the buttons of her white dress, and I could feel her smiling into my chest. Looking up at me, still smiling - the smile I like to think she saves just for me. Then, I had to ask.

"How did you know?" "I could tell. You tried hiding it. When people have something to hide, they make mistakes. When Mother would yell at you about your behaviour, and she would tell you not to go near me, at first I didn't know why. I was confused. Then I realised _You Love Me_. That was it. You are so clumsy in trying to hide it. Always staring at me, bushing a lot. However, I _had_ to make sure, before I just assumed something incorrect. I asked - and please do not get mad at him - Kira. I asked him and when he refused to answer, I knew it was the truth. I was so happy I felt like I could burst." "How long ago was this?" "A few months. Nevertheless, I did not say anything because I wanted to see if you were going to continue playing your hide-an-go-seek game or not. When I finally realized that you weren't ever going to admit it to me, I thought I'd admit it first." There I had it. My childish way of hiding it from her and then her realising it all shoved into my face.

"Sara, I love you. I do, seriously. Always have. Always will. There is nothing anyone can do to change that. But, you know, this isn't right." She broke off the hug and stepped back; reaching behind her, she began to unbutton her dress. I recoil, but not in a bad way, only in the way of 'Oh my fucking God! I am dreaming! I _know_ it!' However, I was not. I could not have been, no, yes, I _am_ dreaming. Seeing her there, standing naked before me in all her glory, she looks like an angel, _this_ is unreal. She looks ethereal, so fragile and forbidding. I clear my throat as she lays down in my bed, pulling the covers up over her. I don't know what to do, so I just stand here for a moment. After a few seconds, she speaks.

"Will you love only me?" I gaze into her eyes. "Yes," I whisper in reply. "Please, do you mean it? Love me. Only me." I give a nod in reply to her question and walk over to her, taking off my shirt as I go. Leaning onto the bed, I lower my lips to hers. They taste like a light summer breeze and she smells like the atmosphere after it rains. I kiss her a few more times. On her lips. Her neck. Her collarbone. And her chest. Then I remove the rest of my clothes and climb in on top of her. I don't want to be rough; I want to be gentle for her. I slowly go in, slower every time she winces. I am finally in, and it is like nothing I have ever felt before.

It feels like a dream, I cannot describe it. Kissing her neck and her collarbone gently. A soft sigh and a moan would escape her lips. And, every once in a while, a 'Setsuna' will emerge, coming out as a sigh of ecstasy and a whisper of joyous fright. I move up and down, watching her back arch and her hips gain my rhythm. Closing in on her, I kiss her lips gently as I work to please her. She moans and closes her eyes only to re-open them shortly after, kissing me on the neck and nibbling my ear. My length in her, I could feel her muscles tighten as she came. Biting down on her collarbone, I come quickly thereafter. We don't say anything for a while. I slowly pull myself out as we pant, the sweat glistening in the light peeking through the drawn curtains. I fall to the side of her and pull her to me as she closes her eyes.

"Aishiteiru…" she breathes, just as the Sandman takes over her body and her brown eyes close to sleep. I kiss her on the forehead as I pull her closer to me, wrapping the covers up around us. "I love you, too." I whisper in her ear and, even though she is asleep, I know she hears me. I lay my head down upon my pillow and soon afterwards, the Sandman quickly calls me to sleep, as well.


End file.
